Today, I’m frustrated.
Frustrated with my kids, mad at my kids.
It’s been a while now that the stresses and responsibilities, worries and moods of life have been building up on my shoulders and weighing me down and I have really been needing some relief and renewal, some moments to exercise, or have uninterrupted conversations with my friends, maybe a date night or best of all, a weekend of spiritual enrichment. And it just seems that every time one of these opportunities arises I can’t take advantage of it because of my kids. Today was the straw that made me break and I know I shouldn’t blame my kids, but I do – it is their fault! It is because of them that I can’t exercise when I need some stress relief or fresh air, it is because of them that I can’t call up or sit down with a fellow female for some conversation, why Ryan and I can’t go out on a whim, why when that special semi-annual weekend rolls around that I can’t sit down and listen to general conference and be spiritually guided and uplifted, it is because of my kids that I can’t! I’ve been let down so many times in the last couple weeks - times when my expectations have risen at the prospect of renewal only to be dashed by the neediness of my children. So I’ve been trying really hard to reconcile all this in my head and while all that I’ve said is true, it is also true that it is because of my kids that I do get so much unplanned exercise and fresh air, it is because of them that I have so much to talk about with some of my favorite women, why dates can be such a welcome and wonderful escape, and why I personally have learned to love my Heavenly Father and Savior so much more and part of why I want to draw nearer to them. It is because of my kids. And while it doesn’t change the fact that they make lots of things in my life harder, they also make life in general more rewarding.
So I’ll just keep relying on the people and the god that I love, I’ll keep learning from my kids, I’ll slam a few doors, shed a few tears, take some deep breaths and enjoy (or endure) this day/moment/stage for what it is, knowing that these are the days that contribute to my character development and that tonight will be an early bedtime and I’ll get my renewal around 8:30pm EST.
...and if you were actually hoping to see some fun photos and captivating tales of what we've been doing (rather than what I've been thinking) don't give up hope, I'll stop philosiphizing some day soon and post about our adventures instead :)
6 years ago
5 comments:
I always love the thinking posts. And BOY do I relate to thIs one. Let me know when you figure out how to excercise with kids. I mean, beyond door slamming. I did a little of that today myself. Maybe it will help decimate my arm flab.
I love how you express your thoughts. Every young mother can relate. Hang in there.
Seriosly, you hit the nail on the head! It is so hard sometimes. Hang in there- a good day will come along soon!
I hear ya! Is it bad if you feel this way at least once a day? It's scary to think that the harder years are yet to come. I think your amazing. Go ahead and slam a door, you deserve it ;).
Oh Christine.....when I read your posts I can't help but think that you are somehow one of those adorable old ladies with wrinkles everywhere and wisdom and knowledge just oozing from inside....but your stuck in your super cute young body and yet you still ooze all the wisdom. Well said!
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