i had a dream...

tonight, it was almost an hour past bedtime - nevertheless - belen, jack and i sat at the table eating our much anticipated dessert of turtle bars and milk.  it was beyond worth it because of the conversation that we had.  it went something like this -
jack said, "last night, i had a dream about dad!"
bel chipped in, "that he played with you all day?"
jack concurred enthusiastically, "ya! and he didn't even have to go to work. ever!"
bel caught the vision, "and he never had to, cuz we just had money, our house was full of like a hundred dollars, just tons of quarters and dollars and stuff"
jack then continued with one of his incredibly detailed and elaborate descriptions of what took place in the dream, (which even when i am fully engaged in listening i still can't quite make sense of - as a side note, i love this trait about him - he is a story teller, there is so much going on in that mind/imagination of his - i'm really looking forward to the day when it starts making a little more sense to my rusty adult imagination).

and in the middle of this excitement and enthusiasm i was so touched that the root of it all was the fantasy of simply playing with their dad - all. day. long.  it's been a busy week, in a busy month, following the pattern of a busy year, with more demanding years ahead - and sometimes, we don't see Ryan as much as we'd like to.  yesterday, bel called him to see if he would be home for dinner - later we got a text estimating 7ish, then throughout the evening the time got pushed later and later and later as more and more cases got added to his schedule.  when he got home at 10:30 - the kids were asleep. he did what he always does when this happens - he went up to see them as they slept.  a few times i've hung back in the shadows and i hear him talk to them in their sleep.  he loves them so much.  i know that he has the same dream that jack had last night - that he gets to play with his kids all day and he doesn't even have to go to work.  (heck, he talks about it all the time - stumbling upon millions of dollars and spending the rest of our lives focussing on giving our kids the most amazing lives ever, dirt biking in the sand dunes, traveling the world, doing service and spending all our time together living a totally unrealistically fun AND productive life) when he came back down to eat dinner, he looked at me and asked, "so do the kids notice when i don't come home? do they miss me when i'm gone?"

i could answer a resounding yes, because they do notice when he's not around, they do miss him when he's gone.  They love him and want to be with him and we have conversations about him all the time.  he's kind of a hero around here, arriving home to happy screams of "daddy!!!" (even Sage lurches in excitement at the sound of his voice or the sight of his face), swooping in to rescue a drained mama, to finish the dishes and steamroll the kiddos into fits of giggles, to be an example of hard work and resilient attitude, endurance of every kind and love in every condition.  he's my hero and theirs - he's the best kind of dream - the kind that is there when you wake up.  and though we miss him, there's always a day off on the horizon.