seizing the moment

saturday was a lovely fall day here in ohio - it felt like summer - 80's i think. we had a fantastic family day together, which included a local farm's fall festival...

there were donuts involved, as well as farm animals to pet and best of all (according to the kids) throwing stuff in the pond,

a firepit dinner at home...

jack is a complete pyromaniac - he can't get enough.

it was amazing, because all day long we got this guy

(gosh he's handsome!)

ryan is at a point in his school career when he has to make every moment count (several months of moments). he has been pushing and studying and working so hard, i could go on and on about him, but i'll just say i'm so proud of him - he is my hero. he is my hero for seizing so many moments like this one...

ryan has been talking about a sleepover on the trampoline all summer, but it just hasn't ever worked out. on saturday he got called in to the hospital around 7pm, when he got home at 12:37 he woke me up to let me know he was home and that he and bel were going to sleep on the trampoline. on this unseasonably warm october evening (still 63 at midnight - for the record) he decided to seize the moment - he got a giant pile of blankets ready, snuck into bel's room to wake her with a gentle invitation that she simply couldn't resist. when jack woke up in the morning we couldn't wait to head outside and crash the party.

as it turns out - this is one of my all-time favorite family memories. we cuddled against the chill october morning and spent more than an hour talking, giggling and telling stories. occassionally the kids would creep out of the covers to jump and run circles around us and then retreat to the pile of blankets to warm up. it was one of those prolonged moments that i reveled in, disbelieving that these beautiful people around me were really mine. and that's how i feel - they are mine - i can't think of anything i am more invested in, involved in, in love with or connected to. as i watched bel and jack running (in their matching jammies) i saw an invisible string between us - a connection soul to soul - that can't be broken by anything - ever. both of those little ragamuffin bodies were created from pieces of me and pieces of ryan, they grew inside me, reluctantly left me and ever since then we have been pouring the best that is in us - into them. they are a product of their parents and i could see it so clearly in that moment - like the quirks, traits and tendencies they inherited from us were all right there on the surface, their personalities, expressions and humors spilling out for us to see... and it was a beautiful sight.

i know that someday we won't be pouring ourselves into them, we'll be sending them off to fill little vessels of their own, and they'll return now and then for renewing drops. but for now we are their world and even then they will be mine.

creating

i love the creative process. it is one of the most rewarding things i do in my life... create things. i'm not just talking big things like, oh, humans for instance, but anything - i love creating a meal, a blog post, music, an art project with bel, a clean kitchen - ahhhh - it's good for the soul to create - to let our true selves out - the masses of energy, creativity, frustration and emotion that build up inside - out into the world to be seen or heard or felt in some way.

today i sat down at the piano to plink out a new song (a simple one since my sight-reading skills are nearly nil) and after a few times through, the melody started to stand out against the stumbling and i could hear the notes link together into a cheerful, springy message. that was when the joy of creating really sunk in and i felt a thrill rise up inside and bubble out as a super satisfied smile.

and i realized that is my favorite part - when something starts to take shape, it's not finished but it's far enough along that you know it's going to be worthwhile. you feel the satisfaction of getting this far and you see the potential that lies ahead and you're at this lovely spot in creation where it just feels good.

tonight i looked over at the wall to see blue marker all over it right by jack. so i look at him with my mean mom face and using my mean mom voice i ask, "jaaack, did you write on the wall?" (scowl) he looks at the wall... and looks at me... and in his sweet, binky muffled voice says "yep" like it aint no thang. I guess he enjoys creating things too - mostly messes - but i suppose i can't begrudge him that.

(seriously, how could i not laugh my head off instead of get mad - look at this dapper diaper dude!)