the healing powers of pancake city...

...and a few thoughts on tender mercies.

quite the juxtaposition of thoughts already right? I'm sorry to put yet another warning out there to all of you light readers and blog photo scanners but this is another long one.

I don't know if it's the changing seasons or the pregnancy but I feel compelled to write "corny things in semi public places" (as my sister so aptly put it) so this blog has become my journal lately.

Anyhow - today was one of those days that started out just dandy but took a downward turn and can only be described as a "grrrrrrr day". I won't go into the silly details but I just couldn't make Bel happy, lost my cool and felt crappy about the whole situation. I wanted to deal with this and fix it on my own but I just felt like a bad mom and didn't know what to do to bust out of that rut. After about a minute of feeling sorry for myself and wondering what to do, my sweet honey emerged for a study break and made his girls laugh as only he can. He called me a supermom and reminded me that life is good - What a tender mercy to have a companion who can put his own overwhelming stresses aside to help me deal with my moments of rage and frustration. Then as we had a short family wrestle on the floor, with me wishing Ryan didn't have a massive test in the morning, I got an invitation to join some friends for dinner at Pancake City. I think it goes without saying that they serve breakfast all day, but let me give a little background to why this was such a tender mercy for me. Simply put - I love pancakes. Pancakes are my personal cure all comfort food - if I'm lonely, upset, bored or need a mood boost - I make pancakes. Since my sweet little gal needed my attention and I needed to stop whining, pancake city was the perfect cure for our needs. A special thanks to the mom who listened to the spirit and didn't cook dinner tonight - you never know when you're being an instrument in the God's hands (I guess you know this time)

After a good dose of sugar for dinner the Miller girls were feeling much better. To top off the day and drive the lesson home Heavenly Father blessed me with a tender mercy that will live in my mother's heart forevermore. I turned on some music while I was holding Bel - she didn't miss a beat and started grooving like I've never seen an 18 month old groove before, then she cuddled into my chest laughing and laughing. She'd obviously forgiven and forgotten my unacceptable behavior to her earlier today.

Alma 28:8 says, "And this is the account of Ammon and his brethren, thier journeyings in the land of Nephi, their sufferings in the land, their sorrows, and their afflictions, and their incromprehensible joy". I've read this in the past and wondered what incomprehensible joy feels like - this may seem a little bold, but I feel like I know now. For my scope of understanding, I know what it feels like to me - I could never make someone comprehend the joy I felt this evening as my daughter danced/laughed/cuddled in my arms, just as Ammon and his brothers couldn't adequately record their sufferings and joys - but for the level I am at right now, I am so satisfied. Another important element to this scripture is all the stuff listed before the incomprehensible joy - to attain and earn that incomprehensible joy you must first (and throughout life) journey and suffer and have sorrow and afflictions. When you know the bitter you can more fully comprehend and appreciate the sweet. My best moments as a wife, mother and person are after my worst moments - those are the days I have learned valuable lessons in patience, humility, sacrifice and love - those are the days I make an account of - those are the days I remember.

Introducing

For any of you who I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing or speaking to in the last few months, and all of you who weren’t in the Kirksville Radiology Department this afternoon I’d like to introduce you to the little someone Ryan and I have been lovingly referring to as “the fetus” for the past few months. We can now officially start trying out our list of boy names. So without further ado, here’s little Max/Jack waving his first hello.

And a great profile shot – So far he’s got the same cute, round prenatal facial features as his sister.

And the sweetest little foot – mmm I like feet

Today was a super fantastic day! (And look out here's another long sentimental journal entry post!)

I just love the technology of ultrasounds that allows me to kick back on a sterile hospital bed, have warm jelly squeezed on to my belly and few seconds and a fancy probe later Donna is measuring the length of our son’s appendages, checking the development of his brain and showing us the different chambers of his heart as they steadily beat away, making that sweet little swooshing sound that makes me well up or smile (or both) every time I hear it.
After I stop vomiting and before I get big and uncomfortable, I have a tendency of forgetting or not really believing that I’m pregnant. The ultrasound has a special way of solidifying my child’s existence inside of me - I feel like I meet them and know them a little better after seeing all their parts, watching them move, curl their arms around their faces (both did/do this in the womb) and observe as they try to avoid the squishing and pushing around from the ultrasound tech. It is so crazy cool to me to be able to see this highly developed miniature 6 inch person when I can barely tell he’s in there. So I bless technology for introducing me to my children at such an early stage – it’s nice to check in on how they’re doing inside that fleshy fortress.
In truth we have actually known for about a month that it was a boy (from an ultrasound at our first appt). I was completely ecstatic to find out that we would have one of each flavor of human – simply giddy! But on our drive home, Ryan (the more sensitive spouse), was so serious and so funny at the same time (as only he can be) as he said – “I just can’t get too excited right now… I feel like I’m cheating on Bel.”
As my giddiness has worn off the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about what he meant about our sweetest and only child and how truly special she is to me. She has been a simply splendid companion these past 19 months. She made me a mother and shortly after she was born we moved away from family, friends and familiarity. She and I have spent almost all our hours together just the two of us - day and night, in every season of the year, in every mood and emotion, through two moves and all kinds stages and life changes. There have been a lot of times that I have taken for granted - times when I don’t want to be a mom, times when I think I should be “doing something productive” instead of just cuddling or playing or letting Bel be the boss. And this week it hit me that I need to be like Frederick (my favorite kid’s book) and soak in these moments when it’s just us two, because it won’t be that way for long. I got to gather my thoughts for this blog post while Bel slept on my chest this afternoon - in the $5 DI rocking chair that Ryan gave me for Valentine’s Day 4 years ago, the same rocking chair that Ryan and Bel cuddle in each night while he reads every board book on the shelf before bed. Before I sign off I just have to say – life is good and I’ll just be enjoying it one day at a time whenever I can.

Family

So I'm going to take a break from the summer updates (oh wait, there's only been one) to share the oh so exciting hour that we had today. We bit the bullet, opened the wallet and bought a bike trailer - yay!!! We've been fantasizing about this for a while now and today it arrived. So we had to drop everything and take it for a test drive. It's a huge hit (I can even manage to pedal my bike with my 22 pound "big" girl behind me). Bel loves it, I love it, Ryan loves it - we are a happy family on wheels

After our pleasure cruise we had to hit up the park and show off Bel's latest accomplishment. Yesterday she decided she was brave enough to do the kiddie slide all by herself and then jumped into the long tube slide and the tall twisty slide! I was so exceedingly impressed, not to mention surprised. Now the park is even more exciting for all involved. I know this is silly, but I really was so proud of her. I usually shadow her and we go down the slides together but yesterday she was little miss independent, she cruised up the ladder, stood at the top of slide for half a minute (me at the bottom) then climbed in the slide and came down! I'm sure the mom I was with thought I was crazy for the reaction I gave her, like she had just climbed Everest or something, I totally flipped.

Tangent Alert!! (skip to the end if you're not feeling philosophical)

This whole parent-child relationship is just amazing to me. Bel is developing so much personality these days and I'm finding that I really enjoy her as a person. She is charming, sassy, sweet, cuddly, funny, smart and she just makes me so happy. A couple examples... the other day I had one of those "dark moments of motherhood" (bad mood, no patience with my child, ready to break) and I was so mean and neglectful to Bel - thank heavens Ryan came home and took her so I could sleep off my mood - but before I fell asleep Bel crawled into bed with me and cuddled me and gave me a kiss me before she left to play with her dad - exactly what I needed, like she was saying "it's okay mom I forgive you and I've already forgotten it". It was one of those moments when I more fully understood the scripture that tells us to be like little children, she was so sweet and forgiving so soon.

A lighter example : her new favorite joke is to hide things. She'll put a toy behind her back and look at me until i say "where's the ball?" then she'll lift her arm in the air, like "i don't know!" then suddenly she'll pull it from behind her back and laugh like she's the trickiest person in the world. She does this in a few variations and I swear we never taught her to do this. It is so fun to see her come up with stuff on her own!

We spend so much time together - she truly is my little companion these days, holding my hand, telling me stories, watching me cook, helping me clean - we talk to each other and joke and play and most of the time it is just plain fun and the rest of the time is when I need to learn patience. And it's random moments like when she slides down the big slide all by herself that it hits me how much I love my little Belén. She is a part of me and a part of my honey and my heart and soul are invested in her. These epiphanies always make me love and appreciate my parents more, because I realize how much they love me and what they went through (in a small degree) - so I just have to mention my sweet mom and dad and say thanks for investing yourselves in your children!

End of Tangent

Ryan calls this one his 007 shot (like the one at the begining of the credits)

Fun times for all!

Summer Preview

Well we are back to real life and certainly had a doozy of a summer - we packed in family, friends and fun all around us. Unfortunately, I am still using my broken camera as an excuse for not documenting our lives very well, so the following is a just the start of our summer activities using photos from Ryan's beloved phone and poached from other people's blogs.

My silly sister had this fantastic idea to start our summer off with a bang by doing the Cache Valley Classic Triathalon.
It was so much fun, I'd like to emphasize the word fun - please don't confuse it with the word fast and just so you aren't too impressed with our "athleticism" please notice...

the race was secondary to the conversation...
the long strides as we cross the finish line before the 2 people behind us (not to mention after the hundreds before us).
But let's be honest - we did have a lot of fun!

In other news, this summer we also learned that Bel loves...
corn,
trampolines,
playing soccer with dad,
and we think she's pretty cute.

Best Weekend Trip Ever!

Last week our little family spent the weekend in St Louis and wow we had such a good time! This is so strange and unusual for me, but I planned every activity down to our meals -don't worry I'm still me and this won't happen often. I wish I had a few more photos but my blogging is totally crippled without my camera so all these are shots from Ryan's phone.

Of course we had to start out the sight seeing with a visit to the famous arch. We started out at the very bottom then rode in a little 5 seater egg like tram to the top and looked out and down at the incredible view - so cool.

This is Bel at the City Museum - coolest place on earth!

For this part of the trip Ryan mostly hung out with the more mature of his 2 girls, while the other one climbed all over the jungle gym, maze, playground of a museum. If there is any place I could go back to again and again with my kids (so I had an excuse to act like one) it would be here. If any of you are ever anywhere near St Louis and appreciate originality, creativity, playing and fun (or just want to see some amazing and extensive welding) - then this is a must visit!

Bel's favorite part was the giant ball pit, Ryan's favorite part was watching his wife be transported back to her childhood (and getting her back a few hours later) and I simply can't narrow it down to my favorite part - the 7 story slide, maze in the ceiling and walkable skate park really thrilled me though.

I went in this whale's mouth, climbed up into the ceiling (getting a good view from above all those white strips of fabric you see hanging down), crawled through a series of tubes suspended from the ceiling and eventually popped out at the top of a slide that led me back to the floor where I found Ryan and Bel checking out the fish and turtles in the pond.
Okay enough of the City Museum. We of course had to catch a Cardinal's game and can I just say wow - what a view in that stadium. We were 4 rows from the very back and I still felt like I had the best seat in the house and another wow for the hot dogs - Yum!!

Check out that incredible view! If the game gets boring just take in the scenic city around you.
Last but not least some really good food had to be a priority and this one needs a little background. Once upon a time I got to go to fancy restaurants and someone else would pay for it (ahhhh good times). One of those places was Morton's Steakhouse - keep in mind that I like steak but I don't crave it or choose it often in a restaurant, but this is the exception to that rule I crave and dream about Morton's Cajun Ribeye and since Ryan is a steak guy it was time to tap into some fun funds for Ryan's special Father's Day dinner. Everything worked out perfectly! Morton's was a block away from our hotel, Bel fell asleep on the way there and Ryan and I enjoyed a romantic steak and seafood dinner for two (with our little third snoozing in the corner), then we took our desert back to our room and shared it with bel while we vegged out in front of the TV digesting. Absolute perfection!

I don't know why the steak picture is of me, but I promise Ryan was on this trip too. Feast your eyes on that delicious piece of meat!

We can now recommend St Louis as a vacation destination for anyone - a real swell place!

Can it be...

are those pigtails I see???

She is such a big girl with pigtails and jeans and shoes - she looks like a mini adult! oh no!

We ventured to the pool this week and the verdict is... too cold to suck Bel into the water, but my goodness, her itty bitty body looks so cute in her suit!

Despite the chill this little daddy's girl will do just about anything as long as it's in Ryan's arms, so we did manage to splash around and get wet for 20 minutes and I'm confident she'll come around eventually.

Lastly here's the latest Belén update...

-knows 4 signs and uses them proficiently : more, milk, drink, eat/bite

-loves to walk and won't hold our hands anymore

-likes to eat pizza (she can officially hang out with her parents)

-jabbers like crazy

-had her first few falls this week and survived! 1-down the stairs, 2-off a chair and 3-skinned her knee on the gravel road behind our house. Unfortunately, the first two incidents are my fault, but it's just a byproduct of leaving an exploring toddler unattended for 30 seconds - it will happen eventually whether I'm watching or not (that's what I have to tell myself). Tears were shed but I was still pretty proud of her toughness.

-likes to dip animal crackers/graham crackers in milk - it is so fun to watch her do this, often plunging her entire hand into the milk with the cracker

the walking continues

so the first day Bel walked she took a 4 day hiatus, but she has officially taken off. She is a happier girl and way more independent and self entertaining now that she can explore, reach new heights, see new things - she is content just walking from room to room for big chunks of time - then she'll stop for a little attention and as soon as I try to confine her to playing a game with me - she's off touring the house again.

We took this a few days ago and she has gotten even better - you'll have to pardon the shaking and whirring... again.

Also - happy birthday to me! It was a super fantastic day - this handsome guy took our early rising sweetheart while I slept - he made all our meals for the day AND had cake and presents for me too! It was such a good day.

that looks like a lot of candles on that cake and it is missing 3 - yikes - I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20!

I was so excited about my shirt from my sis and my sleeveless bike jersey from my honey I wore them both for most of the day